Today is the first day of spring....and it is a beautiful day! I must confess this is a hard time of year for me. I have a deep embedded psychological sadness imprinted on my brain for this month....I cannot shake it. I do everything in my power to prohibit the sadness that envelopes me this time of year so last year I decided to embrace it....and in doing that I have found a sense of peace.
March 21 2008 would mark the birthday of my firstborn child, a girl....Emily Danielle. She was born to Dan and I 4 months after we wed....she was our first child, she was a beautiful baby girl who was in all actuality the very first person in my entire life that I ever looked into the eyes of that was a blood relative! She looked like me which I found amazing since I had never seen anyone with my features....I am adopted, so this was truly an amazing and overwhelming feeling for me! She was born perfect, but soon became sick with the complications of an undected (minor) heart defect. She did not survive her battle with this illness.....the ramifications of the undected heart defect were fatal for her small body, and although the wonderful souls at Vanderbilt Children's' fought feverishly to save her she was just too sick once she arrived there.
That spring was dark for me......and continued to be so for me every year until I had my son Jacob 5 years later. That spring was joyous! I felt sad deep down, but he represented a new life and second chances and all things wonderful of Gods creations. Two and a half years later I gave birth to my son Jack so that was amazing as well to get to share in this joy yet again! Then, 4 years ago I was expecting my 4th child.....a boy, and in late winter we found out he was very sick. He had a lethal defect that would cause him to be born, then die......
The Lord was merciful to me....and took my baby in my womb so I would not have to watch another child die.....this was March 10Th......so that left me with yet another sad spring. Two weeks after I delivered my son, Sammy, stillborn, I found confirmation that my husband had been having an affair.......Spring.....
I have much to be thankful for, but down deep in my soul spring leaves me to mourn. I hope you cherish those around you, as I do.....and reach out to those around you who may not welcome spring, or any other season for that matter. The love of friends and family is priceless to someone who is hurting.
Blessings to all of you and on another day, on another post I will share with you why I love Bunnies so much and that amazing thing God did for me on that Easter 13 years ago when I was grieving the loss of my first child. It is truly amazing......and although it brings back some painful moments, it is truly one of the life moments that changed my life.
God Bless you and your family!
J Leigh~
