Normally I shy away from "resolutions"...I mean really, why do that to myself, get myself all worked up and all focused only to let myself down in huge "me" fashion, but I am thinking this year is different. I mean think about it Jessica....everything in your life has changed completely in the past 14 months and although it has been hard, I have rolled with it. I never thought I could move out on my own....have a nice apartment...pay for my utilities etc....and be able to do it without falling flat on my face...but it has happened, and I am by the Grace of God still hanging on...fingers popping, bout to let go more often than not, but nonetheless...still hanging.
I said to myself..."Jessica, you are not getting any younger...and you can hardly button your pants, and you don't have the mualah to go out and spruce up your wardrobe with the latest elastic fashions and you have yourself a pretty nice wardrobe if you could just squeeze your lazy a$%^& into your britches. I know that is a kinda shallow way to start off the new year...thinking about my big ole backside...but the truth be known, it is no longer just my backside...its my belly (all 3 of them) and my back...good Lordy what in the world happened to my back? It used to be a cute back....resembled a back....there was never a question that it was a back...but now it resembles something I saw that had nothing to do with a back...sheeshhh....
ok so what are you going to do about it? I am proud to say I am "recovered" from a 18 year eating disorder...and I praise the Lord I don't want to even think about heading down that self destructive road again, and even though I am quite upset at the way I have allowed myself to gain weight...I still have no desire to abuse my body ever again. This is abuse enough....and you know what, I love myself enough to be honest with myself and I am standing up to me and declaring....Enough already! to be continued....with my new years resolutions....they are some good ones...and this year they are meant to encourage me....not discourage me. :)
Monday, December 21
A New Year is Dawning...
Normally I shy away from "resolutions"...I mean really, why do that to myself, get myself all worked up and all focused only to let myself down in huge "me" fashion, but I am thinking this year is different. I mean think about it Jessica....everything in your life has changed completely in the past 14 months and although it has been hard, I have rolled with it. I never thought I could move out on my own....have a nice apartment...pay for my utilities etc....and be able to do it without falling flat on my face...but it has happened, and I am by the Grace of God still hanging on...fingers popping, bout to let go more often than not, but nonetheless...still hanging.
I said to myself..."Jessica, you are not getting any younger...and you can hardly button your pants, and you don't have the mualah to go out and spruce up your wardrobe with the latest elastic fashions and you have yourself a pretty nice wardrobe if you could just squeeze your lazy a$%^& into your britches. I know that is a kinda shallow way to start off the new year...thinking about my big ole backside...but the truth be known, it is no longer just my backside...its my belly (all 3 of them) and my back...good Lordy what in the world happened to my back? It used to be a cute back....resembled a back....there was never a question that it was a back...but now it resembles something I saw that had nothing to do with a back...sheeshhh....
ok so what are you going to do about it? I am proud to say I am "recovered" from a 18 year eating disorder...and I praise the Lord I don't want to even think about heading down that self destructive road again, and even though I am quite upset at the way I have allowed myself to gain weight...I still have no desire to abuse my body ever again. This is abuse enough....and you know what, I love myself enough to be honest with myself and I am standing up to me and declaring....Enough already! to be continued....with my new years resolutions....they are some good ones...and this year they are meant to encourage me....not discourage me. :)
