Wow, I just realized I may be actually in stage 4 of the grief process....
There are 5 stages so this is a good thing I guess....
•Denial: "This is not happening to me. It's all a misunderstanding. It's just a midlife crisis. We can work it out." ~I lived the majority of this past year in this stage...just stayed busy, just kept surrounding myself with people and activities etc all to distract myself from the waiting on something to happen to put us back together again.
•Anger and resentment: "How can he do this to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? This is not fair!" ~When it occurred to me that he wasn't looking back at me at all...I did get a little angry, but didn't stay in this phase very long.....
•Bargaining: "If you'll stay, I'll change" or "If I agree to do it [money, childrearing, sex, whatever] your way, can we get back together?" ~I tried this on a small scale...I opened up and let him know that I was sorry and that I believed all could be forgiven and nothing could be fixed but that we could start new...and I believed two people could choose to move forward...and wouldn't be so quick to make the same mistakes....got kind of excited when we started being affectionate with each other....we all know where that goes...and waabaaammmm.....just sucker punch me in the gut with it meant nothing at all and we are better off just being divorced. Ouch...ouch,,, ouch....so the hope I was holding on to...just a ridiculous dream. Reality sucks big cahooonas.
•Depression: "This is really happening, I can't do anything about it, and I don't think I can bear it." ~This is the phase I am in and have been in for a while....I am beginning to feel the fog lift a bit...but it is still pretty gray. This is a place I hope to move through as quickly as possible as I know from experience this is the place that can seriously cause you harm. I hate this place. All I can say is it hurts.....
•Acceptance: "Okay, this is how it is, and I'd rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past." ~This is the place I pray I will be one day....
