Dang, the guy sounded too good to be true. You know what they say “if it walks like a duck, watch out for its poo on the golf course.” Or something like that. We had communicated via hootey and the blowfish for a few weeks....I won't disclose specific times because who knows who may be reading this lol! I know all you mathematicians out there are trying to figure which guy this could be about but come on, I need to allow dignity to prevail...for at least one of us anyway tee hee!
So I had to meet him for the first time - check him out in person. Give the official “you’re right Jess, he rocks!” thumbs up and wink wink. Date one...wonderful with lots of great phone conversations in between dates one and two. Then date three rolled around and it was a social setting, with friends, well actually acquaintances....but none the less....people. He kind of morphed into someone I had not glimpsed the first couple times right before my eyes...
My immediate impression of him on that particular evening was that he was he was kind of a tool. The things coming out of his mouth around people he hadn't met before reminded me of a four year old asking his mommy if the heavyset lady next to her was pregnant. But nothing surprised me more than when he started dancing. Oh yeah.
Apparently Mr.Tool likes to dance. And by dance, I don’t mean the way most men in their mid forties dance, you know they type. They cluck their arms and step back and forth, their upper teeth gripping their bottom lip. You can hear them silently counting out beats of four.
Oh no, Mr. Tool is the other guy. The one who unbuttons his shirt and runs his hands through his hair, shakes his hips and reaches out to the nearest woman compelling her to come forward. When he started dancing on top of my friends raised fireplace, I thought at first he was making fun of someone. The guests all gathered around and watched him go. I sorta puked up in my mouth just a little and poured myself another glass of wine found a chair and settled in to watch the show.
I was not amused. Honestly I started seeing him a little differently after that. And by differently I mean I avoided him the rest of the night because not only was his dancing hideous, he had completely let his guard down, or felt comfortable enough with me to think it was OK to share his life story with everyone there....yi yi yi I was wanting to pull out my eyelashes at all the horn tooting going on from his corner. At one point I found myself saying sleepily..."no thats great....of course I would love to have you give me hypnosis"....so I can drift off to la la land you self absorbent big mouth.
I discovered that even attractive, successful, and charming men can have flaws. And I learned what flaws I could live with as a suddenly single gal over 40 and decided I didn’t need anyone who would unleash his mortifying dancing moves on an innocent crowd. I've learned that over inflated egos are the worst buzz kills and nothing makes a man appear more un attractive to me....
I agree. The Mr. Tools out there can move to their own beat if they choose, but choosy this choosy gal will choose wisely
