Observing....me

Recently I began counseling...it was a torrid mix of knowing I needed to start, and a fear of starting. Dreading the process....and fearing what I may discover about myself. I knew that something would eventually need to give way inside myself....find my truth.
I am happy that I have started....and that I lived through the first session....I have had several other sessions and I actually look forward to them. I am learning about the comforters I have had ever present in my life...they have worn them selves out protecting me from feeling things that I was in no way ready to feel. I let them know they are still welcome....just will slowly but surely minimize the job they ultimately feel they need to accomplish. In lessening their grip on me....I am clearer headed....and with a clear head brings realities, realizations, memories....not crashing like an avalanche...slow and steady trickles of things to ponder, recall and process in my mind. I realized that I have selected amnesia....or my brain has locked doors....I recall very little in my marriage....when I look at the grand scope of time together...I actually recall very little moments. Now moments with my kids? I have sooo many of those memorized !
I may eventually create a new blog....specific for this process but today I am just rambling about where I am, here today...this rainy Friday.