It has been too long since I have posted here....what can I say I get so distracted with life...and I really have been addicted to Pinterest!
I love this time of year! Tonight we decorate the Christmas tree...and begin some of the meal preparation for tomorrows feast! My family of 3 together....thought about inviting the ex to eat with us but truly that felt just wrong....it isn't the way our life is....it is fake...it isn't joined on any level except for the kids and truly it puts me in such a funk being around him it just isn't worth it...or fair. I wanna be home with my boys and feel like its home...funny how a person can make you feel out of sorts...no thanks. I wanna be with my boys...and feel the love between us. Going to my good friends later that afternoon after making a pit stop to deliver a meal to someone who didn't have a place to go...they didn't really want the place to go persay, but welcomed the meal. :) Please Lord always show me where to serve you, the little places we overlook...the small gestures we forget to make. Lord keep my eyes and heart open.
I miss Him....for circumstances beyone my control we aren't right now...maybe never again. It is a massive hole in my heart and life right now....but I am in a good place. Counseling is my new lifeline....and although that process is crazy painful, it is all for the good. I am a trooper for once in my life. I am proud to say I am hanging in there.
soooo....I have a goal...I set a crazy goal for myself this morning. March is the deadline....well, not to divulge too much right now, but I am going to be seriously pushing to make this happen. I need to push myself...it has been way to long to feel driven towards something. The rewards will be massive. I can do it. I am strong, able, smart, deserving and finding that I love me enough to get the whip out .
