Why Love is and isn't...

1. You Must BELIEVE that you are able to attract true love.
This is important! In order to attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your life. True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes ‘through’ you, it does not come to you. You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a reflection of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life! That is why I know when I go out with someone IMMEDIATELY if they are long term potential or not, I know upon meeting them if they are someone who loves and can be loved. It is that obvious.
2. Love others who come into your life at this time.
Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love. Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too. This is the law of give and receive.
3. Expect less from other people and give more instead.
As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs. In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to. Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.

Tell Us The Story Mom...the dancer guy!

Sad that they are excitedly referring to a guy I dated "briefly". Seems my over 40 dating stories have replaced the captivating allure that knights and super heroes did a few years ago....ahh parenting boys alone and finding they actually empathize with me on my moments of insanity where I actually find dating to be a good idea....
Dang, the guy sounded too good to be true. You know what they say “if it walks like a duck, watch out for its poo on the golf course.” Or something like that. We had communicated via hootey and the blowfish for a few weeks....I won't disclose specific times because who knows who may be reading this lol! I know all you mathematicians out there are trying to figure which guy this could be about but come on, I need to allow dignity to prevail...for at least one of us anyway tee hee!

So I had to meet him  for the first time - check him out in person. Give the official “you’re right Jess, he rocks!” thumbs up and wink wink. Date one...wonderful with lots of great phone conversations in between dates one and two. Then date three rolled around and it was a social setting, with friends, well actually acquaintances....but none the less....people. He kind of morphed into someone I had not glimpsed the first couple times right before my eyes...
My immediate  impression of him on that particular evening was that he was he was kind of a tool. The things coming out of his mouth around people he hadn't met before reminded me of a four year old asking his mommy if the heavyset lady next to her was pregnant. But nothing surprised me more than when he started dancing. Oh yeah.
Apparently Mr.Tool  likes to dance. And by dance, I don’t mean the way most men in their mid forties dance, you know they type. They cluck their arms and step back and forth, their upper teeth gripping their bottom lip. You can hear them silently counting out beats of four.
Oh no, Mr. Tool is the other guy. The one who unbuttons his shirt and runs his hands through his hair, shakes his hips and reaches out to the nearest woman compelling her to come forward. When he started dancing on top of my friends raised fireplace, I thought at first he was making fun of someone. The guests all gathered around and watched him go. I sorta puked up in my mouth just a little and poured myself another glass of wine found a chair and settled in to watch the show.
I was not amused.  Honestly  I started seeing him a little differently after that. And by differently I mean I avoided him the rest of the night because not only was his dancing  hideous, he had completely let his guard down, or felt comfortable enough with me to think it was OK to share his life story with everyone there....yi yi yi I was wanting to pull out my eyelashes at all the horn tooting going on from his corner.  At one point I found myself saying sleepily..."no thats great....of course I would love to have you give me hypnosis"....so I can drift off to la la land you self absorbent big mouth.
I discovered that even attractive, successful, and charming men can have flaws. And I  learned what flaws I could live with as a suddenly single gal over 40 and decided I didn’t need anyone who would unleash his mortifying dancing moves on an innocent crowd. I've learned that over inflated egos are the worst buzz kills and nothing makes a man appear more un attractive to me....
I agree. The Mr. Tools out there can move to their own beat if they choose, but choosy this choosy gal will choose wisely

Stupid Dumb Facebook

Yes, I know I have probably insulted half of you, but come on! besides I really don't give a crap
My latest trip to Weirdo-land, I mean my Facebook page, where I can actually view more than the tiny tid bits I get to see on my phone but from a real computer where I can see all the ads etc... there was a new window on the right hand side that said something like, "These are people your friends are following. or who you may know or something like that"
Now on EVERY other social media platform you simply click to add that person. It is how you grow.stupid morons
And in this circumstance, the person happened to be a sister of a friend. Do I know her personally?. Sort of. Can I recite her social security number or her 3 kids names? No.
I mean, if you told her who I was, she would be like "Oh, yeah I kinda remember her."
But when I click on the 'friend' button a huge window pops up BORDERED IN RED, that says, unless I know this member PERSONALLY (their caps, not mine), my attempt to friend her will be considered SPAM and I could be suspended.

Um... seriously? Am I like warned now or something? Is this like the first of three strikes against me that can cause me to shut out of here forever?... Facebook is the one that suggested I should follow her! Seriously.  Idiots.

Are you the social media platform that is so obsessed with making money that you will sell every scrap of my personal information to the highest bidder or are you the platform that will ex-communicate me for daring to reach out to the sister of a friend.

Seriously. #PickOne

So, I am sorry if I have offended any FB fans, but really... #ComeOnMorons

I'm thankful for grace, the freedom to be myself,good, affordable wine, rainy days and nights, sweet dreams that I can recall with detail, reflective moments that make me smile, tear up, or laugh hysterically, genuinely sweet people,books,bunnies,and embarrassing moments that keep me humble!

According To Meredith Grey...and I happen to concur completely

 "There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever . ." .

So many things to be thankful for but here are a few that pop into my head...for my son Jack who turned 9 yesterday (sniff sniff he is away with this Dad so for the first time EVER I didn't see my child on his birthday.)Facebook so I can keep in touch better with friends and family from afar. Reality shows that keep me feeling pretty "normal." Butter spray, furry friends, new beginnings, lotion, morning coffee on the patio,  and for a sound mind. (most days)

C'Mon Girl...

Just when you think the fire has completely burned out....you wake on a new day and recognize a flicker of that  wee , tiny ember burning again....its the still small voice in your head that says, "c'mon girl....you can do this!" You fight against it because the last day(s) you got used to feeling like a lump of worn trash that dropped off the back of the truck and got ran over by the shiney new car behind you. It's the "ba baam" feeling you get when you get out of the shower and actually don't cringe at your appearance....its the smile you feel creeping on your face as you drive to work, its the hummmm you are shocked to hear from your own lips as you realize there is a song welling in your soul ! The excitement of your old friend "hope" returning from a long journey elsewhere....the racing of your mind as you contemplate "whats next?" with genuine excitement in lieu of dread....oh yes!!!! Its a beautiful day and I am going to not only embrace it I am going to embrace it with my lip gloss on and a swagger in my step :)

Douchebag

I love this descriptive term to describe the male species whom have forgotten how to be decent at their core. . It just feels better to spew it in a tone reserved specifically for this word alone....
Had to use it...a friend...well, she is a friend, but obviously not a great friend because otherwise I wouldn't be blogging about her personal sorrows...but the kind of friend you never hear a peep from unless she is in trouble or needs something. Gosh I hope to not be that kind of friend...any who...
she has gained weight...haven't we all? Well her DB husband travels a lot....and when he isn't traveling he is tending to his own personal and emotional needs at the bar or at the golf course. ( I know, so typical you almost know already where this is going don't you??) He came home one night and basically told her she was a fat slob and he wasn't sure he wanted to stay married to her anymore?? Oh I forgot to mention this was actually on the eve of their 20th wedding anniversary! YIKES. I can sorta relate, my husband asked me for a divorce on my 38th birthday. Still licking those wounds girl but I'm not asking him for the band aide!
This a shortened version of what I said to her in my most mature tone...
Well what the heck?!?! Girl, that was HORRIBLE of your husband to say. There are PLENTY of more loving ways to talk about the physical components of a relationship?. You said yourself a while back  you have been working on your outward appearance and THAT is HUGE. Good for you!!. He is the biggest pig I know...well, not really, I am finding PIGS are everywhere but how do you love and give your life to one, oh never mind I can so relate...but still??? Your husband is "nice" I didn't always agree with how you seem to be treated, you work all the stinking time and he works...then plays while you do everything at home etc...  I agree that talking with him further may be in order at some point, but think about how amazing you are and what you are worth.!!! And to crush ones spirit like that is simply appalling.( I see this DB on occasion and he better not even think of being all socially cute with me because I am not buying it!)

Normally, I'm all for saving the relationship and counseling and all that stuff..but..given his attitude, I think you need to ask yourself how far you really want to bend over backward for this DB.

I can't imagine how much it would hurt to not even be appreciated on your 20th.

But maybe, all of this can be stored as motivation for you. Not just your weight loss efforts, but your life in general. Don't they say that living well is the best revenge?  Gosh that is amazing advice why don't I do it whole heartily myself??

Maybe in a year from now, you'll be at your goal weight, looking great, doing great, married or not, that is completely out of my realm of prediction, but surrounded by friends who love you and kids that adore you and he will be........a douchbag.

This weekend I learned

1.I'd rather be with my girlfriends than on a date with a Mr. Nobody Special ANYDAY!

2.Grandma's are way more experimental than I dreamed in a MILLION years.

3. There are marriages way more disfunctional than mine EVER was.

4. White men can jump

5. Homemade Sangria is the most delicious beverage EVER

6. There are things I simply know NOTHING about and that is OK.

7. Swimming laps is exausting so kudos to the old timers who meet at the Y early and do 55 laps....I am truly in awe of you.

8. "Out of site out of mind" is a crock of crap.

9. You can teach an old dog new tricks...if the old dog is willing to learn.

10. Tiny splurges can make you feel  pampered and special.

FYI

I don't "blog" all through my work day....I have a lot of drafts that have been saved...it is hard blogging on my phone at night which I do, and my pc at home is on the blitz. ...can't activate the spell check etc from my phone....so it seems I am posting a lot...just spell checking and then posting from PC. Shhhhh the boss still may not enjoy me doing this so much. I am a slacker what can I say?